Sunday, October 5, 2008

If the sky that we look upon...

Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

That was from Stand by Me by Ben E. King and the Drifters. I don't know I'm feeling depressed today. I am writing this at 1:14 AM. It is barely today. I am depressed because I am kind of lonely. I am looking for the cheese to my mac, the yin to my yang, the bonnie to my clyde. I could go further. I guess you could say i am looking for a girlfriend. The problem is I really dont know if i look good or not. People everywhere say I look good, bad, disgusting, great, and other contradictory statements. My self-esteem is like marble cake at the moment. If you know about marble cake in every slice there is always a different amount of vanilla and chocolate. I do like a girl, but I am completely scared of embarassing myself and being rejected. That probably stems from me being bullied a lot in elementary school. I was a complete nerd and jew to boot. For an example, one day all the kids in my 5th Grade class put their fingers up in a cross position as if I was the devil. That upset me a lot. Also I'm thinking about my mortality. My father died at the age of 46, his mother (my grandmother) died at 46, hopefully you can see the pattern. They both died of cancer. I am just wondering when God's dart will hit me and I'll get cancer and die. Probably at age 46. If I die that young, then I'll have to ask myself "What's the point?"

Cherrio (That's British for goodbye.)

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